My mother calls me just about every day. I have decided that this is weird. Of course, it’s expected that she will call you occasionally, that’s what mom’s do. However, I am decidedly less inclined to return the favor.

Our conversations always start in the same, engaging way: She’s driving from somewhere to somewhere else (typically home from work), and she asks me “Hey son! What are you doing?” The conversations then go from meaningless topic to topic, ultimately culminating when she reaches her destination and says she’s hanging up. I’ve come to the conclusion that she’s just using me to fill dead air time. It really gives off this desperate clingy feeling.

The point is that the conversations are boring. And both participants in the conversation are boring. At its root, perhaps it’s really just a (primal?) need to feel some sort of connection. On the other hand, I feel as though she’s just using me. I give a small rundown of events in my life, and she gives a rundown of things in her life. She listens to things I say, but she has no real interest in my events. She doesn’t ask questions. It’s more of a chore that she has to go through in order to get to the more interesting part of the conversation for her: the events in her life that she found interesting.

Sure, her social circle isn’t necessarily the largest in the world–an almost tacit reason for her using me to extinguish this need. But then again, who has a large social circle that late in life? So I told her that I don’t want to do these types of conversations anymore. Because they are boring. Because it makes the people who engage in them boring. This actually got quite a laugh from her.

So I asked her, “What does a mother talk about with her son?”

Her response: Well, I would tell her about my wife and kids. I would expound on their problems, or talk about interesting tidbits about my marriage. She could then give advice. I reminded her much to her chagrin that I am not married and that I don’t have any kids.

I then asked again, “What does a mother talk about with her son?” The conversation then quickly turned to dating (shocker!). I was determined to make this part of the conversation more interesting. I asked her about how she met my father, and how the initial stages of dating went. You know, the “game”. This actually turned out to be a fairly engaging topic. She initially rejected that she played any game, but when I described some of the typical back-and-forth that goes on in the initial stages, she admitted that she did have those types of interactions. We spoke about other people they were dating, and specific interactions that she had with other men leading up to her meeting my father.

The whole conversation had the effect of really humanizing my parents. At the conclusion, I was a bit pedantic and asked again, “What does a mother talk about with her son?” She didn’t really have any answer to that.

Not a whole lot apparently. But maybe more in the future…